The Struggle of Letting Go
Does anyone else struggle to let go of things at times?
I know I sure do.
Have you ever wondered though and thought about how sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go?
We think that sometimes holding on is a whole lot better than letting go.
And I’m not just talking about people. It can also be other things. Jobs, places, objects, thoughts, fears; things we can physically grasp or feelings and emotions.
I think that this is something that is relevant to every single person – at one point or another; often multiple points in each of our lives. And depending on where we are, what season we are in, it will look different for us.
Sometimes it is that person we’re holding on to.
Sometimes it’s that emotion or feeling we’re just carting around with us and holding on to.
Sometimes it's that job that we're staying in because we're fearful of where we'd go or who we'd be if we left.
Whether it’s holding on to something or someone...I would take a guess that it’s something we’ve all experienced at some point in time.
We can think that it’s better to hold on. Maybe because we think, or we hope, it will get better. We tell ourselves it’s just a stage, a period of time, a season, just something that someone else is going through; and it’ll pass, and it will all get better.
That’s not always the truth though. No matter how much we want it to be, we wish it to be. Unfortunately…it is simply not often the case.
Perhaps we think it can be better to hold on because it’ll help the other person. We think we have to do it for them. To help them. We think it can be better to hold on because we told them we would, we feel like we owe them and if we don’t follow through, we feel guilty, we feel like we’ve let them down, that we’re a bad person. But sometimes…holding on just hurts us far worse.
It may be painful to actually let go. To talk about it, to potentially cut ties, to give space. But it can sure be painful to keep holding on too. You just don’t realise because you’re not focusing on the impact it’s having on you, instead you’re too focused on trying to keep a hold…your eyes are only focused on your where or what your hand is gripping onto.
You’ve gone into a narrow minded, tunnel vision, where everything else around you and outside of your focus doesn’t matter to you, it fades out and it’s as if it doesn’t exist, you’re blind to it.
Letting go is often only painful for a while – that pain gradually fades, and you get used to living without whatever it is you let go of, you adapt and grow in accepting it; the pain is temporary.
Holding on however, can often be painful for a lot longer – it’s a pain that sticks to you like glue and instead of shrinking, it grows, as you get even closer, your grip gets tighter, and you focus more and more on holding on and forgetting and dropping everything and everyone else around you. You start to incorporate it into your life, work things around “it” and changing everything else but “it” – so you’re keeping it at the very centre, rather than other things that are of more importance. It starts to affect you more, and affect your daily life, your work, your relationships, your attitude, your physical health, your mental health.
It can be hard to know when you need to let go of something or someone. We’ve all been there. We’ve all struggled. Whether it’s been a person, a job, a title, an object, a place. But it’s important to know and realise when we need to. And sometimes we just have to do it; rip the band-aid off; so, it’s quick and relatively painless.
For me personally, I had to choose to let go of a job that I thought I "should be" staying in, that I thought I "should be" loving, that I thought "I can't leave because of the clients I work with". But really it was affecting me. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I was actually quite exhausted, I was somewhat drowning at times it felt like. I couldn't always see it but some days I think I just worked on pure autopilot. And gosh I felt like I was always tired. Everywhere. I became so on edge. Around people, about things. I had to choose to either let go. Or keep grasping tight and continuing to struggle.
You know what I chose in the end?
I chose to leave. I chose to block out the voices of what some people thought I "should be" doing, block out my own voice and reasoning that I "should be" loving the work and ultimately put aside the impacts of the clients and put my own well-being above. Because really if I wasn't functioning healthily I was no use to anyone. I chose to listen to my own body, my own mind, and do what I needed to stay healthy. And boy was it a good decision. Sure, I have my days where I'm like "what on earth did I do?", "I have no income, no back up right now".
But, I chose to trust God. To have faith that He has me and He will provide. I may be surprised by this turn in the road, but He isn't surprised. He knows the plan He has for me and it's the best one; way better than anything I could imagine.
Two of my favourite verses that I continually looked to and rested in during this time were:
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
and Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
If you're struggling in a season like this. Trust God. Rest in Him. Allow Him to do the work. To do the work in YOU. And watch what will come.
Can I also encourage you? To take note. To reflect. To re-evaluate how you’re going at times. Whether it's writing it all down. Whether it's talking it out with someone. Whether it's talking aloud to yourself.
Take the time to do this.
It will help.
It will re-set you and refresh you; give you a fresh outlook and perspective on things.
And we all need that at times. Even if we don’t want to admit it. We most definitely do.
Think about the effects and impacts of holding on and really think about it if it is worth doing. Or if it is in fact better to let go.
Because sometimes…holding on does do more damage than letting go.